i blocked myself from iam, and i need to write stuff down, so im sorry but its going here.

i feel like the biggest retard ever again, every so often i go though this big nobody loves me thing, but its less, nobody loves me so i think i gonan eat some worms, more i feel noone really understands me.
i know its just a silly quiz, but i did this thingy that kirsty made me do, and all of the answers were so true, and it made me realsie how much of a turtle i am.
and i wa stalking to alison about stuff and how she'd said what she wanted ot say and good things are happening form it, and i kinda felt like i wnated to do that too, but then i chickened out and didnt. and now i still feel like that, but kinda different. i wanted to say stuff about newer things, but now i want to say things about the stuff i felt before, and still do, but something that was said made me realsie how i felt before, and i liked that idea that maybe, just maybe somethign good may happen.

i also feel like im losing everyone, all of my friends are running away to uni next year, and all my year 12 friends all have different, cooler friends and im like the spastic child staying in bradford for another year doign nothing with noone. it makes me feel lonely even though i know people will always be there. im terrfied of them not being. why do the people i usually feel so close to feel so far away right now?

and my sister is going on holiday with her friend, and my mum announced today that her and her bf are going away in august, and i said somethign about me going with them, and she looked at me funny and they both said somehitng about how its been planned for them to go away fom ages and that its nto their fault i didnt g away last year. why do they seem to wnat me to stay in bradford? i know why initially, but they didnt book that holiday because they didnt know if me and my sister were going away with our friends, and im not, but i'm still apparently staying in bradford with my dad for 2 weeks or whatever while everyone else is in some nice other country.

btw, this all made sense in my head, so sorry if anyone reads it and thinks its a load of bollocks, because yes it possibly is, but thats whats playing in my head right now